Sunday, November 2, 2014

NaNoWriMo 2014 Has Begun - Day 2

It is day 2 and I am already behind by a couple thousand words. I can already tell this is going to be the toughest year yet. Between professional, volunteerism, and personal events and issues, I have already lost 4 days of writing. I am going to have to work really diligently to find time and always be prepared to write.

My grandmother, the relative I was closest to, passed away in her sleep sometime between 4 and 5AM on November 1st.

Living an hour and a half away, I was not able to get up there to see her one last time and will have to live with that for the rest of my life. I do not regret it and said my good byes each time I was up there over the past few months just in case. I know that she knows how much I love her and I know how much she loves me. I also understand that she would have wanted it this way. She wanted to be alone and not have anyone see her in that state.

I have not shed any tears yet, though I know I will. I have so much going on and it does not yet feel real, so I have not been able to cry. That in itself is a difficult emotion to deal with.

Last year I had to put my dog down during the month of November. It was the worst feeling ever. She was my baby and my love for her is still unmatched.

I have learned that there are many different kinds of love and none of them are less than any other. Though time might not heal all, with time comes higher levels of understanding and acceptance.

I am not excited to starting the grieving process again, but at least I have a lifetime of good memories to look back on and a better understanding of the process.

My grandmother was adopted. Her adopted father passed away shortly after she was in his life. For most of her early life, it was just her and her mother. She had two sons, though one was killed in a car accident in his early twenties. Her one living son had five children, all of whom love her to no end. She has many friends and family members now.

She was the strongest and most independent women right up until the end. Those traits will live on in me.

Grandma Margaret Niles, I love you.

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